Breaking up, vers. 2.0
Get your listening helmet strapped on. I did say my blog will get a little personal, and this is one of those instances.
I recently got involved with a guy on the internets, who previously was an acquaintance through some friends in college. I needed a contact for a product I was covering while I was at CNET–he was a manager on the project. I sent him a message on Facebook, and he led me to the right people for my task. The conversation continued outside of work, as well as off the web. We had a lot in common and naturally became fast friends, with an added spark.
Since we both were tech heads, there was a lot of correspondence on Trillian, email, along with texting up the wazoo, and a number of pokes exchanged on Facebook. I wrote on his wall, sent him cheesy icon gifts, and his place was even set as one of the shipping addresses on my Amazon–it was all very dorkerific.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.
Although we weren’t technically [pun intended] together there were still a lot of hurt feelings. It wasn’t the traditional break up where I give back his sweater, and burn a box of stuffed animals. There was nothing tangible–which I guess could be a metaphor for our arrangement. How does one go about erasing themselves from someones cyber life?
There is no censoring on the web. No way to completely weed him out of my internet life. Everytime I log on to my chat client there’s his screen name. This used to make me jump for joy; now it makes me cringe. I still have one of our first conversations on Trillian under th history tab [how appropriate], the first facebook message he wrote, the first text I sent him. All this documenting was at one time so fascinating to me. During our late night chats I would occasionally drop a factoid as, “Hey, did you know the first time we ever messaged each other was on May 4th?” Now it’s just a bad reminder and a bitter timestamp.
Sometimes I wish there was a Lacuna Inc.* for laptops and websites. That would make logging on all the easier, don’t you think? Whether it’s boxing up your physical shared CD collection or skipping over virtual MP3s that he bought for you on iTunes, the bottom line is the same: losing someone in your life is the pits…online and off. :(
*One of my favorite films ever is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” In the film, Lacuna Inc. is a place where people can go to get their memories erased.
:|
Should I start this with “I personally believe”? Joking aside, I think we all have had that kind of feeling for someone that we met online and have chatted with on the daily basis. Every single one of us develop a habit a sort of personal attachment with a person that we know briefly or we have never ever met. The thing is in my opinion it’s easier to talk about your feelings online via text chat or even on voice then talking about that in person. Furthermore, there is another factor of making your chat session a habit so when your friend is not online you feel kind of disappointed and vice versa. The fact is that the Internet is setting up some new social standards that we are all accepting as a normal thing. As people are being more comfortable expresing their emotions online, we often can hear someone say ” I fell for this girl online” Would one feel the same way in person? I am not so sure. We tend to hiding who we really are sometimes whilest on the Internets it’s easier to find the word to express yourself. It does not have to be about emtions or love. For instance, I am shy in person and sometimes I find difficult to express myself. Online however it is much easier for me to write and talk about things. OMG, I dont know how all this look like it could be a bunch of B.S :blushes:
“…losing someone in your life is the pits…online and off.”
I couldn’t agree more.
I’ve just finished up on a divorce (which could have been much worse) with very little fighting between the two of us. Even tho were still friends and talk, it still stinks.
I’ve already had one blind date that has pretty much scared the crap out of me. I don’t think I’ll ever do that again. I’ve been out of the dating scene for far too long.
Maybe I’ll just spend my days playing Wii until I’m old enough to chase little kids off my lawn with a rake. :)
It’s interesting how the net is changing these sorts of dynamics. Like anything, there’s an up side and a down. Through the plethora of social networking tools we are able to expand our connections beyond what we have ever been able to and really connect with people all over the world. I believe this has been a valuable addition to our lives.
We are new to this though, and it is difficult to know how best to deal with things, whether they be friendships, romantic relationships, or even business relationships. I think we are still learning how these relationships work and their similarities and differences to the ‘real-life’ portion of our relationships. We will have to learn new ways of dealing with the bad that comes with all the good we take from it.
I think we have all had similar experiences to this and we learn from it. I still see my ex on my facebook and she pokes me from time to time. It’s difficult at times. You can’t help but read what someone has said on their wall, or see the new picture of them. These are things you are able to avoid when dealing with strictly ‘real-world’ relationships.
For me, the benefit that comes from us being able to be so uber-connected far outweighs these negatives. A relationship ending is a difficult thing to deal with under any circumstances. I find that distracting myself with non-internet hobbies is a good way to stop the constant reminder. I finally bought a bicycle and took up cycling.
awesome entry. very true. i can easily relate.
Thanks for sharing this Neha. I can just agree on everything - i had a quite similar experience about 10 years ago (gloups… it makes me feel older now). The girl just took longer to reply to my messages, stopped her IM presence (she wasn’t really a “web-addict”) to finally broke the contact.
Now, i don’t regret anything - i enjoyed all the time spent with her on the net, but i’m just a bit sad to have no news from her until our last message in june 1999 (ok, i admit, i kept it :-)).
Relationships can be really simple or terribly complicted, but i think “that’s life !”, and “the show must go on” [...]
* Lacuna Inc. could be a great idea, or maybe you could try Rekal and their virtual vacation memories :-)
You sound like techie Carrie Bradshaw. I love it. And I’m sorry it didn’t work out.
That’s why I prefer to call it ’stalkerbook’ ;)
All the chatting and documenting is really great, untill…..
On the Mac its called trash and it sits on the dock. On Windows its called the Recycle Bin. The both do the same thing - rid you of bad logs etc.
But I’m sure that he existence of said logs etc is not getting you down. I always find I want to take back all the good stuff - and of course the sad truth is you can’t delete what is in your head…
Interesting story about “online relationships”. Sorry it didn’t work out, but it’s nice you got some valued insights out of it :)
Best,
Shalin