Full circle or back to square one?
Last night, as I sat in my garage for a few moments after arriving from a movie, I felt as if life truly does come full circle. Uncontrollable in nature and with no individual will involved. As the next minute passed, I had an afterthought: or, does life just go back to square one?
It’s a common phrase that there is a fine line between love and hate. I am confident that there is a closer relationship between even more antonyms;good/evil, bloated/hollow, war/peace. For each thing to exist, there has to be a recognition of the antithesis. Some sort of acknowledgment of the bizarro version to the capacity in which you currently live. Many westernized perceptions suggest that the Chinese character/word for crisis contains the symbols for opportunity and danger. Upon research, I’ve learned that this theory has been controversial, but there is an inherent truth;opposites can compliment and even fully encompass each other.
One year ago, almost to the date, I was at the end of my [longest] relationship and my first [real] job. I was alone on a path of untrodden territory and unsure of what my next move should be. I was lucky that things worked out favorably on both fronts; I moved on with my chin up. Best of all, I started this blog, which has been a blessing on so many fronts.
This leads me back to my initial query: have I come full circle, or am I back to square one? Or, is there a third method? Perhaps I’m not cut out to be a circle, or a square…maybe I just want to be a linear line, a ray that’s moving upwards from it’s roots or starting point.
I know in my heart of hearts that everything happens for a reason, but it’s also hard to forget the past. My mother has told me that sometimes we think of the past if we aren’t content with the present. I believe this to be the truth and have faith that all epiphanies are rooted in difficulty, frustration, and doubt. It’s also one of the reasons I love the film Vanilla Sky. The character portrayed by Jason Lee speaks of how the sweet isn’t as sweet without the sour. Going back to eastern philosophy, there is the Taoist Ying to the yang, the Buddhist middle path of moderation, and in Kaballah, The Tree of Life. This is the universal law of duality, a direct strikeout of singularity.
I still feel as if I am not that girl from one year ago, so I haven’t come full circle, or am not back to square one. I’m in love with my life and content with all I have. I know that the next step is to move forward, with pride. My dream has never changed and I want to be in production, writing. I live and breathe the stuff and it is my calling. However, this time it’s going to be different. Going along with my newfound “ray model” I’m going to go forward, and with full force. Just watch me.
Nice post. That “movie” that seems to have inspired you to write this… that wasn’t “sex and the city”, right? Right?!
All we can do is put one foot in front of the other. You haven’t come full circle or gone back to square one at all! That’s not for years to come and I think when its finally happens it means you did things somewhat right.
I like to see it as, starting over, but on the next level. Kind of like the way school is. You graduate from middle school, then you’re off to high school. Yeah you might be starting over. but you’re taking the knowledge you learned in the level before it. Then goes college, then pretty much every new job. So yeah, I think your new “ray model” does work, cause you never really go back down, just always aiming for something higher.
keep on keepin on. your mom sounds like a very smart woman
Totally agree that you can’t have the good without the bad. The bad can be good though– I think the most difficult things in life are the ones you learn the most from and it is b/c of those experiences that you grow into a better person. You, Miss Tiwariland, are a much stronger woman this year than last.
It was great to see you last week and thanks for setting up the super-fun bar crawl!
Hey, like the thoughts if find myself asking that same question sometimes it feels like a revolving door other times like everything is just sweet, guess it feels like there is a force trying to pull that function into a parabola. But i guess all we can do is what we can. You are a talented writer and producer and im sure that will serve you well when it comes to your career. And i wish you the best with the rest of your life
I tend to consider the passage of life as a spiral moving upward. If you look at the path straight down, it looks like you’ve come to the same place. But if you look at it from the side, you’ll see that you’re a step above that, even though it’s the same quadrant.
In other words, even if you feel like you have come full circle, the experiences that you’ve had during that loop has put you ahead, whether you can see it or not.
The new way: a straight line???
I think the new way is a Spiral: circles + straight line
Don’t you?
Try it!
“”I know that the next step is to move forward, with pride. My dream has never changed and I want to be in production, writing. I live and breathe the stuff and it is my calling. However, this time it’s going to be different.”"
Just so long as we follow our dreams, happiness will always follow. Why be tied to our past, if we are content with our present? Why be satisfied with the present, when we have dreams to push us on? Your post is very insightful and relevant to everyone in their 20’s, myself included. Ive been questioning myself the same way lately. Does it ever really feel like I’m making headway? Am I fated to return to where I’ve been? I think we often over-complicate happiness. They say that the most happy people are those that live in quiet parts of the world, those without the modern busyness that we get caught up in. We peruse too much on what we think will make us happy, when happiness is as simple as following our dream, enjoying the ride, being content with were we are while pursuing our dreams.
It sounds like you’re well on your ‘path’, follow your dreams, trust, and don’t second guess. Maybe every sweet does need a sour, but that only serves to substantiate and rationalize our dreams. If were not hungry we don’t eat, and if were not thirsty, we don’t drink. If we don’t dream, then we don’t seek.
I would prefer to think of your line as a staircase. Every step gives us a foundation and a place to climb from for the next. I climbed half-dome in Yosemite, in one day. It wasn’t so much that I reached the top, it was that I found enough inner strength to climb that i found rewarding. Think of how boring life would be if there was no climb. If every comic book you read, was just the last page. If every story began with ‘the end’. The reward is the journey.
i know this is just a different way of saying what was already said in the comments thread, but i think it’s a cute way of saying it.
but maybe think of it like tv seasons? like for a certain period of time you would have story-arcs develop and resolve themselves, and when all the major drama and such would resolve itself and everything is well again that season is over. season two opens up with a fresh plate of sorts, but still taking in everything that happened in the past becoming canon in your series, affecting the choices and actions you make when future story lines develop.
wow, that sounded incredibly nerdy.
Everyone–
Thanks so much for the insightful comments. I do think that the 20s are a time to figure stuff out, which I am trying to do now. A recent change took place in my life, which I will announce later, and is what really inspired this blog [not sex in the city, silly chesbro!~]
I think that maybe life is more of a spiral or staircase–not necessarily upwards or downwards. Just….there.
Again, thanks for the comments–I really do read them all and take them in!
“”I think that maybe life is more of a spiral or staircase–not necessarily upwards or downwards. Just….there.”"
I really disagree with you there, and it sounds kind of depressing. Are you really content enough to just simply exist? To say its just there, makes it sound like we are just a victim. It sounds like an annoyance. Rocks are just…there. Really life is a gift. Its something to be treasured, valued, passionately. I think life is more of a vector then a line. A line is different mathematically from a vector because a line has no point on each end, a start and a stop. It has no width, no tangibility. A vector is specified by 2 or more points, and it has a direction, it has a velocity, it can have force. Its a bearing, a course. I guess life is more of a vector then a line. Maybe life has unexpected changes for us, sometimes we might not feel like we are moving, but we do always progress. Even after the hottest, most devastating wildfires, life does continue. Some pine cones on trees never open, until they are exposed to the intense heat. And from that, amazing and beautiful trees sprout. It sounds like you have some wonderful changes ahead, and that things are sprouting. Wow that sounds like a cheesy fortune cookie, but best of luck.
On a side note, you’re captcha just came up with possibly the best name for a band or book ever - motor shakespeare - makes me think of John Moschitta Jr reciting hamlet.
I read similar article also named Full circle or back to square one?, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me