Neha and the Real Boy
If you’ve seen Lars and the Real Girl, you will probably understand the simile I am going to lay out in this blog post. If not, I’ll try to make it so you get it as well [but there may be some spoilers].
In the film, Lars Lindstrom (Ryan Gosling) finds himself with a Real Doll, but treats her as if she is in fact a living, breathing human being. According to Lars, she is Brazilian-handicapped-community service aficionado named Bianca. Lars clearly is very lonely and suffering from some very genuine feelings misplacement. He has a loving brother and sister-in-law, but he lacks true intimacy in his life.
Lars may have some creepy attributes, but he displays such a common human condition; the desire to be wanted, and furthermore, needed by someone. Bianca is in a wheelchair and needs to be taken care of, catered to. This, in turn, is what Lars needs.
My father says that “loneliness is a result of boredom, but one must not forget that time continues to pass by.” The wheels are always turning, and something concerning you is always occurring. With the protagonist, his loneliness stems from his mundane existence. That being said, I can really relate to Lars, minus the need to purchase a sex doll. Like any real girl or person for that matter, I would gladly welcome something tangible in my life. I have a great family, friends, everything really–but I lack that one intimate connection that would make me feel warm at my core. To sound cliché, I wish I could feel whole inside and out.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I have to be fine being me as an individual…and I am. I don’t see myself as lacking or incomplete, but there still is a dissonance that I can hear loud and clear.
It’s interesting to observe Lars viewing Bianca as we often see the person we date: perfection personified. At least, that’s what we all think in the beginning. Synthetic Bianca is flawless in appearance, and even her personality as described by Lars is pretty nice. But, in the end, she’s not real. This story unfortunately does not bear the happy ending of Mannequin.
Anyway, I think it would be nice to have someone, how Lars had Bianca. A person who exists to you uniquely; that is full of life, spunk and personality. I suppose the search for my Real Boy continues…but not tonight. I’ll listen to jazzy songs and remember how it felt to be in a Real relationship, with Real possibilities.
psst Lars is played by Ryan Gosling, not Brody from Mallrats
I just watched I am legend for the first time literally a few minutes before I saw this post in my rss reader, and im still under the emotional affects of that movie. After watching that movie, I felt like I could relate with the protagonist, feeling like I’m the last man on earth. One part that struck me is his affection for his dog sam. Its a basic human need to be loved, and to have someone to care for, someone to love; to have someone who you would risk your life for, someone to trust our life with. The dog was symbolic to him of his daughter and family, but it was also a release for that need that builds with boredom as your dad put it. It broke my heart when the protagonist looked longingly at the empty car seat after the dog died, and I think everyone can relate to that need for a partner, that void. I hate to admit, but I’ve done that same thing countless times, driving and glancing over, wishing there was another to talk to. I think that dissatisfaction does grow out of our boredom, your mind begins wandering and wondering. I know within my own current life exactly how you feel. Its a very normal and human response. Maybe its best if we are thankful for what we have, and don’t morn the perceived loss that builds within us. To tie back to your dads comment, time has a way of continuing without us.
I know what you mean.
It’s nice to worry about yourself, but much more comforting to have another soul to care about. You deserve the best Neha.
I believe your heart is special because your ability to love is endless. I can tell that just by your smile
The guy who helped build your blog has a real big crush on you btw.
“Just living isn’t enough,” said the butterfly, “one must also have freedom, sunshine, and a little flower.”
-Kahlil Gibran
The unfortunate thing is that so many people are willing to settle for something that is not closer to an ideal. A blow up doll is an extreme case, but it’s not that different from being in a loveless, sexless marriage for the sake of companionship. I’m not sure where that comes from other than doubt about your own self worth.
It doesn’t sound like you’re willing to settle, so while you may not have that connection yet, I suspect it’ll come when you least expect it. I didn’t get it entirely right my first try, but then at 33 I scored, and I’m getting married again.
Only when you can be honest and live as yourself without compromise is it possible to have that connection. Again, it sounds like you get that. Don’t compromise it.
“loneliness is a result of boredom, but one must not forget that time continues to pass by.”
I like that quote, I’ll have to see this film, it sounds really interesting.
everybody wants to give and receive love. it’s the way we’re built. we’re constantly looking for other people to be mirrors that reflect the value of ourselves back at us.
i think you will be okay. i don’t really know you, but i think you will be okay. i think we will all be okay.
I know exactly how you feel…
Thanks for the nice comments everyone. For me, it’s hard to “open up” like this, but writing really is the elixir in my life. I know I will be okay, and I do have SO MUCH to be grateful for
The difficulty of writing open heart blogs like that has always been difficult for me. Very brave and honest.
Umm…not meaning to nitpick but Lars was played by Ryan Gosling. As for the film itself, hmmm…it was surreal but I’ve seen elements of Lars in more than a few people.
With regard to looking for something ‘real’ vs. buying into a flawless perfection, good point. We see the good things first, usually, then the reality of dealing with that person strips away the veneer. There is no perfection, just the chance of finding someone who meets our needs without driving us toward an all-night bender in the process. *L* Just a thought.
Um…duh on the Gosling thing. I knew that, but typo’d it. Whoops, I fixed it–thanks for getting that.
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